This
The title of the book can be a little misleading. This book is not aimed at those who have no friends. I mentioned this book to a few people and they said, “I have never had problems making new friends so I don’t need this book”. They totally missed the point. The book doesn’t teach you how make new friends. It teaches you how to deal with people you interact with. It could be your family members, your co-workers, your boss, your customers, random people you come across in life, just any human being you meet. It teaches how to convert your personality so that everyone likes you. And when everyone likes you it’s easier for you to influence them and get them do the things you want them to do. That’s what the book is all about.
Living in Dubai, I hear people everyday complaining about the attitude of Arabs. They call them racists, inhuman, bad mannered, disrespectful, and what not. I have lived in different regions of the world and I have observed that almost everyone has this complain from local population. But if you apply the tactics given in this book your personality will become so likable that you will never face this problem.
Like I say in all my book reviews, just reading a book won’t do what it promises to do for you. You actually have to follow the advise.
This is a very funny book. It’s not meant to be, but the ideas it tries to put across are machiavelian, childish and short sighted. The underlying theme is that one should do favors for others in order to receive the same from them: hardly a theme to build friendships on.
If you are currently paying people cash to be your “friend”, you might find significant financial savings from the ideas in this book: you could be paying them in plenty of other ways.
It makes a great gag gift: you will find yourself passing this around to read out loud at parties.
Noori, I don’t know where you got this impression that the book advises to do favors to other to expect the same from them. Neither does it say that you should pay anyone to be your friend. The book only teaches how to deal with people in such a way that they like you and cooperate with you. As subtle and obvious as it might sound, there are countless people who don’t know how to do that.
Carnegie’s advice has the potential to turn people into passive “doormats” who think everyone else is always right, and that they themselves are always wrong. The reality is, that to be effective in human interactions, people need to give their own opinions, and state their own truth, even if it offends others. Effective communicators accept that they will never be friends with everyone. People who behave assertively, who speak up for what they believe in, and do not quietly sit back and let other people walk all over them, blatantly rise to the top in most social situations and ironically have many friends and influence many people. Doormats are notoriously ineffective in winning friends and influencing people.
There are good things about the book, specifically that people like it when others take time to listen and respect their opinions, but this obviously has to work both ways. This book was probably more useful in the good old days, when it was first published.
If you spend your whole life being nice to people and suppressing your own opinions, even when you know full well at times, that it is unjustified, you will regret it. Life does not work that way. There are many, many circumstances in dealing with people, where niceness is not an option. Speak up for yourself and for what you believe in, even if it has the potential to offend others. Abraham Lincoln did, Martin Luther King did, Michael Moore did, etc. I’ve personally decided that I’m going to live my life by saying what I believe in, and be myself, and take whatever comes to me. Everyone won’t like me, but everyone won’t hate me either. The real way to win friends and influence people is to respect others where possible, but more importantly to stand up for what you believe is right, and speak up for it.
Noori, While I appreciate your comments, it’s very easy to copy and paste reviews from amazon.com. I can review 100 books like that without reading any. I would like to know what you really think about the book, in your own words, after actually reading it.
Those are mine comments in Amozon
hmm…its always about remembering how you wish to be treated and you tend to treat people better…
Yes, that’s basically the bottom line of it, but there are finer details that many people miss out, or don’t realize.
people complain because they dont have a life. my interaction with ALL locals has been nothing less than amazing.
just treat others the way you would want to be treated.
they welcome you into their homes, their lives and ask for nothing in return. they are polite and generous.
but yes, if i was to tax their patience, anyone would become defensive.
the arabs are a minority in their own homeland. how do you think they feel when they see their homes invaded by people who do not understand their cultures or traditions.
you dont have to read a book to be liked
hemlock, you got that right, but like I said, it’s very easy to say treat others the way you would want to be treated, but the ideas in this book are more specific and draws a clearer picture of how you should treat others and get the same treatment in return.